An empaths guide to a stronger sense of self

What is a sense of self?

A sense of self is a culmination of ideas you hold about yourself as well as  experiences you’ve had that shaped the way you see the world

aka ego.

Whether conscious or unconscious there is a story you tell yourself that describes “you” to you.

Makes sense?!

If the image someone holds of you is stronger than your own sense of self, you are easily lost in the mind of another.

an example for a weak ego.

And what makes a sense of self strong?

A strong sense of self is made up of strong boundaries, self-knowledge and high self worth

aka conscious ego.

A strong sense of self doesn’t come easily for empaths – it must be created.

Let me tell you why.

Empaths with a weak ego can’t just get up in the morning and do what everybody else does.

They must get grounded in themselves and create boundaries that allow for a strong sense of self to grow.

Before we dive in deeper let me first explain what an empath is.

An empath is someone with an extraordinary ability to sense what other people feel.

Yes, of course that’s not always 100% acurate and to believe it is is simply false.

Especially when an empath has a co-dependent style of relating. Co-dependents carry their own projections and trauma that can and will distort their perception of someone else.

This post does lean on co-dependency in some form or another because an empath with a weak ego can also have a co-dependent style of relating but doesn’t nessecarily have to (I will do a seperate post on co-dependency in the future).

All that said, empaths, despite the possible inacuracy of their interpretation, do have an extraordinary amount of empathy which means they understand almost everyone’s struggles, action and choices by seeing and feeling them through their eyes.

This is a beautiful capability but without boundaries it often leads them into taking on EVERYONES struggles in order to soothe and heal them.

This is too much to ask of anyone.

So their strong empathy needs equally strong boundaries.

Because, as I’ve mentioned earlier, boundaries create a strong sense of self.

They indicate where you end and the other begins.

Many empaths with a weak ego struggle to stay close to themselves when in the company of other people.

Why?

When they naturally feel into others more than the average person they’re often forgetting about themselves or that they even have an opinion.

This is an example of a poor boundary.

And that’s how they often confuse their own sense of self with that of another.

An empath with a weak ego might leave a conversation not having paid any attention to themselves the entire time.

They forget or neglect completely what they actually want to say only to “wake up” afterwards and regret how they behaved and the things they said or didn’t say.

Let me be very clear: Having a weak ego as an empath isn’t a good thing.

And it only feeds into the narcissistic society we already have created.

But before we throw around with over-used words let’s look at some examples of how a weak ego could look.

Remember the last time you left the house feeling beautiful, sexy, attractive and simply good about yourself.

You felt you could take on the whole world, meet new people and wished you’d see your ex today.

Then you left the house and…

…the first person you meet on the streets gives you a seemingly weird look. “What was that?” you think “Oh well, it shouldn’t bother me” you tell yourself.

But it does.

What the hell happened?

You have let them steal your sense of self.

This is a rather harmless example when in fact a weak sense of self can, in varying degrees, cause a lot of suffering.

Let’s look at a different example.

Let’s assume you are in a relationship with someone who is more likely to TAKE affection, attention and listening than GIVING it.

Empaths with a weak ego often find themselves in this sort of dynamic especially when they have a co-dependent style of relating.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing but it can be, depending on the degree.

Whenever you tell them something personal or ask them to meet your needs in some way, they respond with ignorance or withdrawal and you in turn see through their eyes and…

try to understand.

You usually wouldn’t think it’s so bad to ask for xyz but their reaction clearly indicates that you must have been asking for too much.

And you start questioning yourself.

You start questioning if your own need to be heard and seen is inappropriate, you question wether or not you asked for too much and how to be a more giving partner next time.

You take on their contempt, their judgement and their unwillingness to give you what you need and you start seeing yourself through their eyes.

And just like that, you’ve let them cross all boundaries.

You have given up your sense of self.

Now, this can be solved if your partner is up for it but it is only possible when you create a strong sense of self so you can start relating differently to them.

It all sounds like to much? Or to vague to apply?

I get it. I’ve put down some steps you can take in order to create a strong sense of self.

If you’ve read this far you’ve made the first step away from a weak ego to a more solid sense of self.

YAY!

Knowing about this tendency will help you as you make the changes necessary.

This is the work every empath has to do in order to thrive.

How do you do that?

1. Become aware of it (done here and now).
2. Write down all the beliefs you hold about yourself.

That’s not necessary to do in one go, simply start. Use a blank page and write down all the beliefs you can come up with. There will be some shocking ones, guaranteed for example “I am poor”, “I am not special”, “I am ugly” “I am too sensitive”, “I have to do xzy to be loved.” etc. simply notice and be aware that those are only beliefs and we’re about to change them.

3. Now take the ones that have the biggest effect on you and turn them around.

Maybe use “The work” worksheet by Byron Katie free on her website  or simply state the opposite. It won’t feel good, yet. It’s not enough by itself but it’s a good start. Continue with the other exercises.

4. Meditate first thing in the morning

In order to separate yourself from an old or false sense of self you need to practice detaching from thought. Every morning 10-15min is enough. Why morning? Because then your sense of self is still untouched by the outside world and it’s easier connect with yourself.

5. Get professional support

I always emphasize this one because I’ve been the one who used to never asked for help. I wouldn’t say I regret it but…I do. Help makes the path much smoother and easier. Whether it’s a coach, energy healing or therapy or something completly different. Feel what you’re drawn to and make that choice with full commitment to heal. If you feel drawn to work with me you can contact me here.

6. Talk about it

Set up a group  with other empaths that focuses on empowerment. Talk about ways you can connect and support each other on overcoming the influence of the world on your sense of self. It’s crucial to surround yourself with the right people if you want to become rooted in yourself.

7. Self-Love

I will not suggest anything specific here. I could not know how love looks or feels like for you. I will however suggest that you find out what self love really means to you!

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST:

8. Boundaries

We’ve now made it very clear that in order to heal and build a strong sense of self you need to have strong boundaries. Find out what you truly need, see what you do to abandon those needs and place your boundaries there – firmly.

This is hard inner work and I honor you for being here.

Remember that you’re not alone in this.

A weak ego is something many empaths deal with.

The way to recovery can actually be an enriching and an empowering experience.

I’m with you in this.

Love,

Jen