How to practice radical inclusion on yourself

How to practice radical inclusion on yourself

“Radical Inclusion” sounds big.

And yet, it often remains an empty phrase because we neither seem to apply it to ourselves nor wittness it in the world (too often).

So how do we become “radical inclusionists”?

A few things, I think:

  1. We have to make this choice: “I am willing to include everyone (+all parts of myself) in my awareness even if they are different, difficult or unclear to me at first. I will make an effort to understand them instead of judge.
  2. We become aware and practice including all parts of ourselves (especially the ones we don’t like or want) in our awareness. We learn to relate to parts of ourselves with empathy and curiosity.
  3. We extend what we learn within us to the world around us. We become aware of prejudices, judgements and internalised systems such as racism, sexism, misogyny etc. and how we unconsciously re-inforce them. Basically we start to care – boldly – beyond our little ego self.
  4. Where ever we see exclusion within or without, we choose otherwise and stand up for what’s right by voicing, confronting, empathizing etc.

To make this a bit clearer let me quickly give you a personal example.

I used to be very judgemental about myself which would not only have a huge effect on my quality of life but also on how I related to people.

I tried to exclude/banish many parts of myself because I hated how they made me stand out and different from the “norm”. Those were aspects like being awkward, highly sensitive, poor, “shockingly” skinny and really tall etc.

Unconsciously judging myself for these aspects would result in me judging other people who also had aspects different from the “norm”.

By excluding parts of myself for being different, I excluded people.

Or another example:

As a child I was fierce and rebellious at times which my Mom judged as rude and disobedient so I learned to not live out this aspect of me and it had to disappear into the shadows.

From then on it would only surface in crippled ways like:

Judging others who speak their mind, judging myself for voicing my opinion, holding grudges, growing resentment, fear of authority, going along with other people’s agendas, feeling disconnected from myself, feeling unheard etc.

In short: I had exiled an important part of my personality from my awareness and that had a huge effect on my life.

And until I would stop judging and start welcoming this part, I couldn’t feel whole.

Until I made an effort to include more of myself in my life, I couldn’t find the sensitivity or empathy for others.

So how did I get the exiled parts out of the shadows and back into my awareness?

This is where the practice of inclusion comes in.

I went inward and made contact with them.

Wait, what?

That’s right, we all had a conversation.

I asked each part many questions and got to know their intentions, opinions and feelings.

I put my inner judge aside and got deeply curious.

When I did that many of my emotions, triggers and judgements resolved themselves or settled down – immediately – and only appreciation and understanding remained.

I experienced what inclusion feels like.

This process takes time (months or years) to be complete but it will have immediate effects. Many people need a guided space held by someone they trust (I encourage you to find such a space. Also there are many processes that support the reconciliation with inner parts like “Inner Family Systems” by Richard Schwartz, “Inner Team Work” by Friedemann Schulz von Thun and more )

But…

if you make contact with your inner world in this way, not only will your life and relationships change but the world around you will, too.

If you meet yourself with the intention to include all of yourself, you will soon find yourself relating to the world in a whole new way: with deeper empathy and appreciation for everyone.

You’ll stop assuming and become interested in their experience.

Your awareness will grow into different realities and world views.

It will be encompassing enough to make people at ease in themselves.

You see, bringing the intention of inclusion to your own aspects is only one side of the coin.

What makes it radical is bringing the skill of deep listening, curiosity and openness out into the world.

Radical inclusion is a choice that outweighs judgement and prejudice everytime!

A choice we’re making not only to feel whole within ourselves but also to support every person to feel whole within themselves as well.

It requires us to make an effort to understand each other’s views and experiences, asking questions instead of making assumptions and questioning our own judgements. It requires us to become self-aware and willing to own our part in the union of the world.

Let’s ask ourselves regularly: “How can I include this (whatever is present in you or others) in my world/awareness?” And then letting the answer arise out of our depth.

Instead of wiping out the differences so the world fits into our tiny frame of mind we can actually celebrate them and expand our awareness.

Relief ourselves of ancient old burdens.

If everyone chose radical inclusion today, we would not only let everyone be who they are in all their facets but we would appreciate them. We would live in a world with genuine empathy and understanding. Imagine how beautiful that would be.

Making radical inclusion a part of our mind set and practice is bold but necessary.

Practicing radical inclusion is the catalyst for building a world of equals.

It’s actually doing the work – not just talking about it.

My wish is that, soon, our world is inclusive enough that we will ALL feel like we belong.

Let’s choose to be “radical inclusionists”, what do you think?

 

 

If you are curious and want to start the process of including all of yourself, I can support you with that – book a free sample session on my website or via: coaching@jennyfelicitas.de

Looking forward to connecting with you! Please bring all of yourself!

Love,

Jenny

The story that shaped my mission

What's the story that shaped my mission?

Your story shapes your purpose which shapes your mission.

 

And there’s not story without life experience.

 

Often we find our mission after experiencing the heaviest of emotions.

So it’s important to feel them, heal them and integrate them.

Here’s my mission: I help women get out of the prison of the mind into the poetry of the Body.

 

And her own beautiful body will take over guidance from there.

 

So what’s my story? The story that shaped this mission? 

 

I was brought up under the critical voice of my mother.

 

She had a good heart but no life of her own and her frustration and fear of life reflected in my upbringing. 

 

She had dreams and desires but rarely expressed them to anyone (mostly because she wasn’t aware of them). Once in a while they shimmered through a brief conversation only to be brushed of with „oh I won’t do that anyway, I am not made for more.“ . She was living according to what she’s been told (or not told) and she didn’t leave that narrative.

 

She was living in the prison of her mind.

 

Her body stored the trauma and limits she experienced from her parents. 

 

Living all her life in the same perspective:

 

„I can’t be more than this. I am not safe.“

 

Like a protective shield this narrative kept her in her head.

 

Far away from the trauma and pain stored in her body.

 

I, too, spent the first part of my life in prison because that’s what I’ve been modeled.

 

What woke me up then?

 

There were many things I could name here but the most important was my mother’s death.

 

I was with her at her deathbed, seeing her leave this earth with none of her dreams realized. 

 

She was unhappy, afraid, bitter and unable to open up to us (family) or life even in the last moments of her life.

 

She was still in prison when she left.

 

It was one of the most painful moments of my life.

 

At no other moment was it clearer, seeing death (life) take her back to origin:

 

I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE LIKE SHE DID.

This realisation was my key out of prison.

 

And from then on forth, I changed my story.

 

I told myself I will live a life that’s actually mine and show myself – and my mom as well – that it is POSSIBLE to make dreams reality – no matter who we thought we were.

 

And the only way to leave the narrative that kept me in prison was to enter my body.

 

To really root down into my body.

 

This might sound strange. But we don’t notice that we left the body until we come back to it.

 

My challenge after I realised this was NOT to leave my body again.

I did at first at ANY sign of difficulty.

 

Now, that’s normal when the body holds so much unresolved trauma + habits need time to change.

 

This means you leave your body over and over again because difficult feelings, internal chaos and shame make it unbearable to stay.

 

Deep healing was required and a strong willingness to stay connected to myself no matter what I was facing.

 

It is possible to build this unshakable allegiance to yourself and to your body but it doesn’t mean it’s easy.

 

I know for a fact that it is possible.

 

So I help women come home.

 

I help them to love their bodies and know how to read its infinite wisdom.

 

I want all women to give and receive the love that has been theirs all along

 

So she can live according to her own rhythm without restriction – and in that find the freedom she seeks to take her life to the “next level” (whatever that means for her).

Not from a place of hardship but –

 

from COMPLETE SELF-ACCEPTANCE!

 

If you want to find out how I do that AND want to build this unshakable allegiance to yourself, schedule your free sample session on my website. 

The #1 question women ask themselves and how to answer it

The #1 question women ask themselves and how to answer it.

Here’s the #1 question that runs in the mind of many women:

“What’s wrong with me?”

This question arises mainly for women because the world doesn’t accommodate our natural cycles and needs that female in nature – it invalidates them.

As a result, we try to live according to the messages we receive from the world.

“Be better, do better and don’t be whiny.”

The world is infused with the desperate need for ever more power (over) and never ending productivity.

It responds to our needs for rest, restoration and play with the same answer each time: “Your needs aren’t valid”

And then we abandon them ourselves.

This linear world allows only very little room and our whole self never gets to come forth in its entirety.

Being continously productive is the norm for all living things (even cows who have to give milk until their udder bleads).

The thing that keeps this soul-less system going? Silence.

The silence about the consequences of this one-sided experience.

Silence that causes shame because we never hear anybody else having problems with the way we’re living.

Continuing to be exhausted, sad and productive as if that deserves a medal of honor shame has room to grow.

Ashamed of not being liked, of being too slow (in everything), of not meeting a target, of being unhappy when we shoudn’t be, of working part-time, of lacking motivation, of eating too much, of forgetting things, of wanting a romantic partner, of wanting children, of not wanting children, of needing to rest, of taking a nap, of drawing for drawings sake, of dancing instead of working etc.

In the end it has us think (silently): “Something must be seriously wrong with me if I need (X) or can’t do (Y).”

In essence we ask: “What is wrong with me?”

We project this question to everyday events (like eating, sleeping, talking, flirting, working, studying etc.) and into our (“failed”) relationships.

In my opinion the responsibility is misplaced.

How about asking the world: “What is wrong with you?

“What is wrong with the world we live in?”

This is a legitimate question.

It’s time to outsource the shame. There are consequences to allowing only half of an existence.

Stop taking all the responsibility for mistakes and flaws that aren’t yours.

Let’s stop asking ourselves if we’re defective or broken.

We’re not broken, we just live in a system that has us belief that we are.

And it has us believe that so we don’t see for ourselves that IT IS BROKEN!

WE WILL NEVER FIT INTO THE WORLD AS IT IS. Nature hasn’t intended for us to cut ourselves off of natural cycles and desire for rest and inclusion.

We must allow ourselves to feel the pain of living in a world that has forgotten how to be human, how to care about living beings and the earth at large.

The pain is real EVEN if no one acknowledges it.

It’s a world living in denial.

We can evolve into a more wholesome expereince of life in which our needs are honored and rest, play and art are celebrated.

I’m not the first one to say this, so please see this only as a reminder of what you already know.

The way to “be the change” starts simple.

Whenever you notice yourself asking: “What’s wrong with me?”

Let alarm bells wake you!

Stop in all that you’re doing and reflect:

  1. What role am I trying to play here?
  2. What am I afraid of?
  3. What standard am I trying to fill?
  4. What limiting beliefs have me doubt myself here?
  5. What do I belief about myself in this situation?

It’s really time to unveil the system and start living in tune with your WHOLE rythm including needs, play, intuition and magic.

Own ONLY your part of the problem – not the part of an entire world.

It’s time to reflect, really, what is actually working and what has to be released.

Why?

So we can be free of the unnatural burdens of striving for power over all things female in nature, the earth and everything that sparks magic in our bones.

Free to be our whole selves. KNOWING that nothing is wrong with us, we are perfectly whole.

What are the moments when you ask yourself: “What’s wrong with me?”

All the best,

Jenny

Emotional flashbacks and Co-dependency – how trauma shows up in your life

Emotional flashbacks and Co-dependency - how trauma shows up in your life

When I was a teenager I often wondered why it was so easy for most people to stand up to bosses, partners, strangers and friends. They were able to say “No” without going into endless spirals of fear-stories in their head like I did.

I observed them having “their own back” and I wondered why I was so different from them.

Why did I keep falling for people and circumstances that would exploit me?

Why couldn’d I stand up to them no matter how much I wanted to?

Why did I keep abandoning myself?

Today I know:

I was under the influence of unconscious and unresolved trauma in the form of CPTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder).

No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t change this because will-power doesn’t touch the realm of trauma.

I was suffering from emotional flashbacks (I’ll explain in a minute) and I responded with co-dependency (people pleasing, manipulating etc.).

I had no control over this behaviour because I didn’t know about CPTSD or the consequences of trauma in any way.

I’ve never even heard of it before.

Trauma meant, so I thought, something far worse than having a critical mother and an absent father.

I believed that trauma is caused by a single event (which can be true).

But trauma can also be many “small”, painful but still overwhelming events chipping away at your sense of self and safety.

As a recovering co-dependent I owe much of my progress to Pete Walker, author of the Book “Complex PTSD”.

In it he writes: “emotional flashbacks are sudden and often prolonged regressions (‘amygdala hijackings’) to the frightening circumstances of childhood. They are typically experienced as intense and confusing episodes of fear and/or despair – or as sorrowful and/or enraged reactions to this fear and despair.”

He continues: “Because most emotional flashbacks do not have a visual or memory component to them, the triggered individual rarely realizes that she is re-experiencing a traumatic time from childhood.”

This was extremely eye-opening!

“The individual rarely realises that she is re-experiencing a traumatic time from childhood.”

How is that even possible?

Does this relate to the metaphor or the fish in the water? A fish swam by two other fish and asks: “how’s the water?” to which the two fish respond: “what water?”

The reality of it is, we don’t always have conscious access to the memories formed in childhood and at some level that’s a good thing.

It’s protecting us.

But it is also true that even though we’re not aware of these memories, our body stores them which means we re-expereince them countless times.

They become the water we swim in.

The anxiety, the depression, the fear and panic, the shame, the loneliness and the feeling of inadequacy, basically all the darkness that periodically returns to seemingly take us down – THEY ARE ALL EMOTIONAL FLASHBACKS.

In an emotional flashback “darker” states suddenly take over our whole perception of people and the world, isolating us and causing us to behave in ways we don’t want to.

Like not standing up tp people when we need to…

…and responding to events with expressions of co-dependency.

What is co-dependency?

“Co-dependency is defined here as the inability to express rights, needs and boundaries in relationship; it is a disorder of assertiveness that causes the individual to attract and accept exploitation, abuse and/or neglect.” (Pete Walker)

How exactly does co-dependency relate to emotional flashbacks?

We learned to respond to emotional flashbacks (danger) in different ways in our formative years.

Pete Walker describes 4 types that are described as the 4F’s in CPTSD:

Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn.

Even though we find ourselves responding in all of these ways when experiencing an emotional flashback, we can often identify one dominant response.

This response drives most of our behaviour when confronted with an emotional flashback.

I think it’s important to understand that not much conscious choice is involved in this. It’s default, unconscious and that’s where our inner work, therapy and other healing methods come in.

As I described earlier, I fall in the fawn category – co-dependency.

How does co-dependency form?

In formative years (between 18 mo. – 3 yrs.) children naturally develope protective assertiveness, characterised by the child’s urge to say “no” to everything they are told to do.

This natural opposition to caregivers is encouraging our healthy development IF it is met with acceptance and strengthened through compassionate communication with our caregivers.

In dysfunctional families however, instead of encouragement, we get shut down whenever we express anything but conformation.

We’re send to our room with messages like: “Don’t you dare say “no” to ME, don’t you dare oppose me, don’t you dare cry or get angry or else I’ll be so mad with you that I WILL leave you.”

When I was going through this stage of my development, I remember that I, too, was met with abandonment and rage from my mother.

I think she was afraid of my or any opposition for that matter (which isn’t an excuse but important to mention. She had her own unresolved issues).

In order to hold the bond with my mother and escape punishment, I had to abandon myself, my feelings and my natural assertiveness.

I had to say “yes” when I meant “no” AND act like I MEANT it.

No matter my state or opinion, I had to show unconditional positive regard towards my mother in order to please her (and not trigger her fear and rage).

In a functional familiy caretakers meet their children with space for healthy development. A space in which emotions like healthy anger are welcomed as a good sign of human expression.

Now, I know that this information might be very disturbing for many people because most people haven’t confronted their abuse in childhood – yet.

I mean, how dare we blame our parents, right?

But we have to.

Because denial of parental mistakes keeps us stuck in these emotional flashbacks.

It keeps us away from being able to grieve what we’ve never experienced as children (unconditional love) and claim more for ourselves in the future.

I know, it’s easy to deny your past, especially when the abuse wasn’t physical.

Emotional abuse is often swept under the rug because most of its methods are, sadly, still considered normal.

Only now are we beginning to call abuse by its name.

Not many years ago it was considered a necessary form of educating children to yell at them, criticise them and use silence treatment to shame their behaviour.

Children will make everything about them. They will think that something’s inherently wrong with them when parents punish them in such way: “Why is mommy mad with me? I must be so bad that she doesn’t want me, I am not welcome here.”.

They grow up with beliefs like these and KEEP them until they start realising that their beliefs stems from ill treatment in childhood and are NOT AT ALL TRUE!

In order to heal co-dependency and our emotional flashbacks, we must go inward and re-lease the pain our parents have caused.

I know, not at all an easy task.

But if we don’t do this, we will carry the same pain into relationships, jobs and self-regard which means that we’ll never feel safe with anyone or anywhere. Even unconsciously inflicting pain on to others.

We need to get informed about trauma or we continue to deal with serious consequences like illness, violence, enabling, suicide, depression etc. passing all of it on to our children.

We must come to terms with the pain of our past.

We need to be brave enough to admit that our childhood wasn’t perfect and our parents are not almighty gods but wrong about a lot of things, including their way of raising a child.

Refusing to see the wrong-doings of our parents isn’t virtuous and it will increase the shame in our body.

Ending transgenerational trauma starts with educating oneself, ADMITTING that somethings WAS wrong.

We must stop comparing ourselves to other families who were “worse” than our own.

If we continue comparing our pain and unmet needs to others we won’t get the chance to heal the pain we carry inside our own bodies.

I know that goes against everything we’ve learned.

Blaming our parents for the things we didn’t get?

“Forgive your parents, they did their best.” “Don’t carry hatred in your heart, it will keep you stuck.” “They carried you and fed you, you should be grateful” etc.

These statements are in service of the shame based world we live in.

It’s brave to grieve the things we never got to experience in childhood.

For me it is not optional to grieve these losses.

Grieving means I can move on with my life, unashamed of being myself.

Shedding all fantasies of my parents eventually loving me in a way I need and deserve it.

Pete Walker says: “Psychoeducation is therefore a fundamental first step in the process of helping clients understand and manage their flashbacks. Most of my clients experience noticeable relief when I explain PTSD to them. The diagnosis seems to reverberate deeply with their intuitive understanding of their suffering. When they understand that their sense of overwhelm initially arose as an instinctual response to truly traumatic circumstances, they begin to shed the awful belief that they are crazy, hopelessly oversensitive, and/or incurably defective.”

In short: these flashbacks feel like unmanageable feelings, completely overwhelming, yet, oddly familiar and they can be cured by understanding exactly what they are and where their origin lies: in the trauma of your childhood.

Walker says: “Flashback management therefore needs to be taught in the context of a safe relationship”

I’d say that means with a therapist or an enlightened, non-judgemental witness.

Knowing about all of this, of course, doesn’t simply “make” it go away. There is great inner work involved in order to heal co-dependency.

I know from experience that co-dependency is much like an addiction.

The most defining factor when it comes to addiction is that we have no control over it.

This is precisely why I am so passionate about educating in this particular matter.

Education and Inner work is the only combination that frees us from this style of relating (that many are proud of for whatever reason).

I owe a new life to Pete Walker and the few people in my life who were generous with their unconditional positive regard towards me.

I had to grieve a lot of my losses and I’m continuing to do so.

I’d say I’m carrying a much lighter load today.

The darkness doesn’t take me down anymore. I can hold my head above waters because I know these waters better than ever before.

I don’t lose myself in the shame-based identity and can admit to mistakes like a healthy human does.

I want everyone to have the chance to know about this so they can get to the root of things as well.

Yes, I am talking to you.

I want you to be free and able to move on with your life when you choose to.

The thing is, if you don’t heal trauma you CANNOT move on.

Not wholeheartedly at least.

I want for you to say “NO” with conviction.

I want you to BE and LOVE yourself unconditionally.

I want you to love and live safely.

I want you to feel incredible in your own skin.

I want you to follow your heart and purpose.

I want you to be successful with who you truly are.

It’s not easy, I know. I glad you’re here and I acknowledge you for reading this far.

We’re in this together.

If you want support in your recovery process contact me here or get the details to my 1:1 coaching package here.

Otherwise good luck and much love to you, beautiful,

Jen

How to not date the wrong person – again?

How to not date the wrong person - again?

Dating is such a mystery. There is so much desire, so much advice, so much nervousness, so much thought, so much time spent wondering and yet…

…no one seems to know what the f*** they’re doing.

In fact most of us feel powerless when it comes to dating as we keep falling for the “wrong” people – nothing we can do about it, right?

If we are truly honest though, we know who’s good for us and who’s not.

The question is not “how do we stop attracting the wrong kind”?

The question is “can we become attracted to those who are good for us?” And “what does that kind of attraction feel like?” “What does it require us to do or be?”

We ignore the red flags AND choose to give into the attraction to unavailable people because of one big factor.

This factor keeps us hooked, hurt and trapped in a fantasy dating world.

Which is it?

HOPE.

Or better put: the habit of hoping.

We’re so lost in potential.

We hope for everything and everyone to change not looking at what and how things actually are.

Our hope is fed by every little shred of attention or love substitute they give us.

We are so blinded by hope that we don’t see they do exactly what the ex did (you know, the one that hurt you, ignored you and let you into their heart only on occasion)

We hope they change and when they don’t we hope we change.

We hope, hope, hope, and hope some more.

Hope breaks our neck.

Here is the deal:

If they show behaviour that requires you to hope – hope they like you, hope they are interested (soon), hope they want to spend time with you (soon), hope they accept you as you are (even when you don’t show who you are) – you are most likely choosing not to see the red flags they hand you on a silver platter: the flag that show that they aren’t doing any of those things – NOW.

To be able to date succesfully you must look at the flag above their head and actually choose to act on what you see.

You must be more interested in the reality of things than in the hoping for things. You must give up fantasy.

How the heck do I?

Choose to withstand the immediate attraction. The one that tells you that you are soulmates. You aren’t soulmates.

Observe yourself in it and feel into it and see the fantasy that is pulling you in.

It’s not love nor soul mating. It’s hope that breaks your neck.

Withstanding immediate attraction is inner work and an active part in learning to truly love and be loved. It builds strength so you can learn to receive what you really want and deserve.

In itself it’s nothing wrong with strong attraction (it will probably be with you your whole life), the deal is to be aware of it without acting on it.

To close this let me bust all leftover bubbles: Giving into attraction without awareness will not satisfy you because it is not what you really want.

I know some aren’t ready to give this “soulmate” attraction up because it seems to make us feel alive and alert to life. That’s ok.

It’s part of the process to be lost in it sometimes. It’s also part of the process to come out the other side and choose reality over fantasy.

Be preapared to choose the type that is actually showing interest, is actually spending time with you, is actually telling you how much they like you – the type that is actually saying “yes” to you.

The fact you read this far, shows that you no longer want to hope for love but are ready to create it.

Cheers to that!

Understanding that love is a skill, is active, a result of great learning and not something we fall into is the biggest realisation on your way to creating the relationship you really want.

Understanding that love requires no hope but learning is the key to reality living.

Who would you really want to be with if you were able to withstand attraction that leads you nowhere?

Who would you date without hope?

Ecstasy – why we deny our right to be joyous

Ecstasy - why we deny our right to be joyous.

Ecstasy from the root ex tasis – to stand outside oneself. We all thrive for it. Mostly unconsciously and – unfortunately – from the wrong angle.

Joyous reality is banned from our conscious mind and our “normal” human experience.

We’re more familiar with its substitutes: addiction (in all forms), violence, rage and terror.

But why are we so afraid of the real thing? Much more even than war and terror?

Because the way we translate an experience of ecstasy would be

LOSS OF CONTROL.

We know in order to experience the pure joy of ecstasy we must be “out of our minds” and that is a sign of weakness in this world, isn’t it?

Let’s understand though: Ecstasy is the energy of an archetype we’re all hosting within us.

We’re all designed and meant to experience pure joy.

According to C.G. Jung all archetypes must express themselves through us at some point. Either freely through joy and ecstasy or through neurosis and addiction.

The questions are then how much are we conscious of this archetype and how much are we allowing to come through?

Why are we denying our need for ecstasy with all our might?

  1. In order for us to allow ecstasy we must hold a strong charge in our body. We actually have to surrender to the energy called joy that’s passing through our bodies.  Surrender is the key word here. In a society that values logic, calculations and science more than the primal and spiritual sides of our being, surrender is a dangerous act and irrational to the core and so is joy.
  2. We haven’t learned to integrate the female- into the male aspects of our psyche. And the prerequisite for ecstasy is the union of both aspects – we must transcend the opposites within ourselves. We’re living the patriarchal forms of humanity as if it’s the only reality there is, we are denying the world of symbols and rituals – the world of the feminine – which is the world through which we reach the irrational nature of joy. The key is not to favour one side over the other but to value both realities equally so they can supplement each other.
  3. To be able to accept ecstasy as an integral part of our life, we must be willing to see beyond ourselves, beyond our limited mind into our soul. We must understand that we’re a small part of a greater reality that we know very little about. If we can accept this we move past our ego mind into a greater mind which is the source of all human archetypes. In this greater mind found beyond our current meassure of reality, do we experience these archetypes in the way we are supposed to. In this greater mind we are able to hold more energy than in the limits of the ego mind. In a society in which individuals compete and thrive to be the best, the idea of being a small part of a greater whole is frightening and preposterous. You can stay limited like this your whole life but you will not experience joy like that.
  4. We’re afraid that we get lost in the archetype of ecstasy and live too much of its energy. We are afraid to become mad. The thing is though: We as human beings we are meant to live more than one dimension and more than one aspect of our being. We aren’t as simple as we somehow see ourselves and yet easier to understand than our minds have us believe. This is the paradox of being human. In order for us to live all our potential we have to be open to getting lost in the energy of joy and ecstasy trusting that we will come out of it more alive and recharged. We must trust that we will live in a way the universe has intended for us.

How do we compensate the denial of joy?

We pretend that we’re in no need of such ecstasy and if we cannot bear the torture of a dry and logical life any longer we go around at night hiding from “daily-life-people” while being “out of our minds” drunk.

Or on a higher scale, we burry the need for ecstasy even deeper into the unconscious and, as a consequence, become addicted to a certain kind of substance, emotion, habit, person. We attract all kinds of drama, accidents, relationships that fulfill the requirements of very strong arousal without ever satisfying our souls need for the original type of ecstasy – our souls need for pur joy.

Or we become restless. We cannot arrive anywhere with anyone because we keep seeking unconsciously the inner ecstasy that wants to express itself through us. We seek it through the excitement of the unknown and the new.

Can we become addicted to living an ecstatic life?

I sure hope so.

If we do see ecstasy through our right (whole) mind there is nothing wrong with expressing and allowing it. In fact, I am even writing this article with the wish for it being a reality for us all.

When we’re addicted to pure ecstasy we are addicted to experiencing ourselves – addicted to being fully alive.

We’re willing to be close to ourselves and accepting more of our being. We’re integrating the female aspects of being. In other words we’re bringing together what belongs together. When we’re allowing ourselves to be joyful and ecstatic we ARE the embodiment of union and wholeness.

How do we start integrating ecstasy into our lives again? What are the steps to live our full potential?

Remember it’s a way to bring back the spiritual into the physical and to unify the female with the masculine.

Not just logically but with your whole body. THIS WILL TAKE PRACTICE, CONSISTENCY AND THE WILLINGNESS TO BE ALIVE.

Before we start this is the ground rule:

The only way you can ever experience ecstasy is when you open your mind to a new possibility of living.

Are you willing to transcend the survival mode and expand into a life that thrives?

  1. Prepare the vessel.

Even though ecstasy is beyond the body you can only experience it through the body. Make sure you prepare the vessel to be strong and flexible to hold new energy currents. You do so by 1. Nutrition and 2. Movement like yoga or dance which can become fully ecstatic in itself.

  1. Become mindful

Of what you are doing and consuming. Do not distract yourself with too much of external stimulation and consumption. Learn about the amount and things you really need. This is slowing down and becoming fully present to the moment in which you’re in.

  1. Meditate

This is how we expand the capacity to hold more energy and discern between your original energy and the energy of your past.

  1. Using rituals

Of letting go and amplifying more of what you want. Be consistent in doing so, it’s the only way that the habit of letting go can sink into the unconscious and become a habit of mind in your daily life, outside of rituals.

  1. Mental health

Train your mind to be your servant. The number one obstacle to experience ecstasy is your mind and its limits. If your mind is open to pleasure and joy you will experience ecstasy naturally. There are several ways to train your mind and bring it back to health and full capacity. The above are all a contribution to it. What I would add are affirmations on the one hand and on the other hand deep psychological understanding in general and specific to your gender.

  1. Free and integrate emotion

When we have unprocessed emotions or trauma stored in the cells of our body we don’t feel save to let go and surrender the higher mind and to the higher experience of ecstasy. Our body informs us through old emotions about the possibility of danger as soon as something new approaches and in the presence of danger we will not be ecstatic in the archetypal sense. We will again live out ecstasy by expressing intense anger, madness or fear in response to the interpretation our traumatized cells

  1. Visualise

Your future self and the way you want to be in the world. See yourself in full pleasure and purpose and allow for this to happen. Your mind might be very loud when you try to imagine yourself in ecstasy and that’s the exact point we are trying to make here. As long as your mind holds against the possibility of experiencing yourself in your highest form you will not do so. If you keep brushing this off it will not happen. So using your creative force aka imagination will create the experience ahead of the experience and you will allow ecstasy and joy into your reality.

8. Draw, Paint, Dance, Sing 

Just for the fun of it.

Are you convinced now that you own the right to pleasure?

And are you willing to allow it?

If you find yourself having resistance against the very idea of pleasure, this might be a good sign that you are really in need of it. Let it come. You’ll be fine.

Love,

Jen

4 seasons in your cycle

4 seasons in your cycle

Your monthly cycle holds roughly 4 seasons (plus transition phases) that express differently in your life, each holding a unique purpose for you. There are general characteristics of each phase that let you determine in which phase you’re in and how to respond to it. To make it easier for you to observe the manifestations of the seasonal energy in your life, let’s see what each phase is about.

But first, we need to know why it is important to acknowledge your seasonal nature in the first place.

Many of us have lost touch with ourselves and the greater whole that we are part of. We are living in a fast world that rarely pays attention to the state it is in. This is a reflection of how we deal with ourselves. Let’s be honest, how often do you ask yourself honestly and openly “What am I feeling right now?”. We act as if we have an endless supply of linear, active energy, as if we actually don’t need to rest and recharge. We exploit nature’s resources not because we are bad people but because we are cut off from our body, feelings and emotions.

To come back to ourselves means to remember with our whole body, with mind and soul that we are nature’s own offspring. Working with the cycle we begin to realise that we, too, go through seasons just like the larger seasons nature demonstrate. To see the effect of each seasons on our body, mood and creativity we need to pay attention to the subtleties in life. For that we need to slow down, like way down, and pay attention to the feminine aspects, to feelings and emotions and the need for rest and restoration. This is possible only when we become self-aware and honestly care about our well-being and fulfilment.

Seasonal work is a way to respond to nature’s need as well as our own at the same time.

It helps you to navigate through life in a way that is suitable for you as a woman, not linear but cyclic. It helps you to understand yourself and your constitution as a woman and empowers you to express yourself fully despite the constrictions and limits that this world tries to set for you. Symptoms like PMS are a result of the suppression of your cyclic nature and feelings.

With this work you will no longer be contained and imprisoned in a world that is not build for you and instead learn to show yourself and your softer nature openly. We do this with the support of a strong mind and body that gets trained in this work to serve us and our power as a women. In your heart you already know that this work is for you. It requires determination to end the suffering for yourself and all women, building a future in which our daughters and sons can feel free and empowered to be themselves fully. This work is not for everyone because it asks for discipline and the willingness to break rules that were set out by people who tried to supress the feminine world of emotion and feeling in the first place.

Deep down we all know that in the world of the feminine we are free, powerful and wonderful human beings. Let’s bring this world back so we can experience it for ourselves.

So why working with seasons?

It is important that we know the energies of our cycle well so that we can act accordingly and respond to what we need. To supress or elongate a Season is working against yourself, against natures intention for you and can cause a lot of discomfort and stress for your body.

Here is the season’s overview in the light of your menstrual cycle (if you are currently not bleeding you may work with the moon cycle as well).

Winter (day 1-7): This phase usually starts right before you bleed. Low energy, your hormones are depleted. It’s a time for rest and restoration. Your body is in need of your support and nurturing. You become more sensitive to outside stimulation and the energy wants to deepen within your being. You’re introspective and more aware of what is going on unconsciously in yourself, your surroundings and in the world. It’s not a time to follow demands of the outside but rather give care to yourself. It’s a time of wisdom, magic and creativity.

Spring (day 7-14): Starts around the time leading up to ovulation. Energy is rising as are your hormonal levels. You’re filled with yang energy supporting you to act upon dreams and intentions. You feel refreshed and ready to plan your month. You are more open and slowly engaging outwardly again. Your body feels strong and vital and things are coming together for you. This is the phase of starting new things and act on what you uncovered in the winter/wisdom phase. You also find yourself working more, being focused and driven.

Summer (day 14-21): Usually starts around ovulation. It’s an expressive and social phase. It’s the reaping of the inner work you’ve done. Energy levels are up and you are engaging in outward activities. Community building and being of service to others. Your fertility is at its high and you’re your libido as well. You notice you’re flirtier. This is the time to build and deepen your relationships and easier for you to hold space for others.

Fall (day 21-28): This is the winding down phase. You are feeling more inward and reflective, you may become more agitated by the demands that are posed upon you. You’re nature is seeking time alone to take care of your body and your soul. You may use this time to withdraw from the world and put focus on creative ideas that need nurturing. This is a time especially carved for setting healthy boundaries. PMS is real, the intensity is a reflection of how well you live the energies of the cycles and respond to what you need. If you are teaching yourself that you are willing to listen to your body and act according to what you hear you may find yourself less emotionally overwhelmed and agitated. You are able to realise your dreams and goals with more ease and flow than ever before. I observed that during this phase the inner critic is loudest as we find ourselves unable or simply unwilling to stem the weight of the world. Hormones are dipping and everything is a little more chaotic.

This work is a practice of self-love. Self-love is not always quiet and slow but sometimes active and loud, expressive and engaging.

Knowing yourself is developing self-trust. Instead of following the judgments of the world (“women are unpredictable”) you begin to understand that this is not true. We’re more complex though. As soon as we understand ourselves we transform our insecurities that are fuelled by the world we live in. As we choose to follow our inner guidance and our own nature we are empowered. We become healthier, more fulfilled and more engaged human beings and we begin to set the standards for our society that includes the feminine world of subtleties, nature and feeling.