5 practices to improve your sense of self-worth
When we as women know of our worth we shine, we radiate and there is nothing and no one who can cut us off from our power and confidence. Unfortunately we’re facing too big of a void when it comes to women aware of their worth.
What I intend to do in my practice is to change the way we as women are showing up in this world. We must understand that we have both – the right and the responsibility – to feel worthy. Worthy of receiving the life and the love we are longing for.
Before I tell you specifically what you can do to increase your sense of self-worth, I want to shine a light on the things we as women do that make it impossible for us to feel worthy and live a life of integrity, strength and purpose.
Unworthiness is a disconnection from our Self. Logically, there needs to be a source of our sense of worth and if we cannot find it in us we look for it elsewhere, developing all kinds of behaviours that are destructive, manipulative and not sustainable in nature.
- You ask men and other women to tell you how to be a woman.
Of course, we aren’t always aware of this. In order for us to cultivate self-worth, we first have to become conscious of the ways we’re giving away our power to the perception of others.
For example if you find yourself dressing in a way that feels unnatural or uncomfortable only to be pleasing to the eyes of others, this might be a sign or if you ask for an opinion about your life (outfit, hair, body, job etc.) and a negative response has you doubt yourself and leaves you sad and ashamed.
- You don’t listen to your feelings
You’re overanalysing or suppressing the way your feel because it’s not “logical”. What you see on the surface doesn’t match what you feel (i.e. your boss smiles at you while you feel it’s insincere or your job seems perfect and you’ve got everything and more but you feel unhappy or dissatisfied). You try to understand others before you understand yourself, rationalise your feelings and “get over it” before you have at all began to process what you’re feeling. This is abandoning yourself. It’s the fear to acknowledge that a place or a person might not be good for you and the fear to make wrong judgements because you just cannot “trust” your feelings. We need to understand: Feelings are our secret source of wisdom. You’ll make much better decisions if you decide to tune in, really listen and sit with what you do and don’t like to feel. This is the key to integrity. You find more on this below.
- You compare yourself
This might be the most toxic behaviour for women. Before you haven’t cultivated enough self-worth in yourself, there is no way that you can healthily compare yourself to others. So refrain from any comparison for a while. You’re unique and this is how it’s supposed to be. Finding your purpose and path will help you become aware of your uniqueness. For this I recommend working with a coach or therapist (though its not necessary).
- You gossip
You talk bad about others to feel better, or to get people agreeing with you so you feel less like somethings wrong with you. This might help you feel relief for a while but your sense of worthlessness will deepen in time if you continue on this path.
- You try to control others
You don’t like the way other people make you feel so you try to control them. You don’t agree with their way of living so you make up a better version of them in your head (which they don’t know about) and try to manipulate them so they fit this image. This is human, I have done it and I know many who did too and still, don’t surrender to this. Integrate the following practices so you can refrain from control.
These 5 forms of sabotage listed above are just examples. Take some notes on each of those categories to see how this might be showing up in your own life. Don’t blame yourself in the process this is normal, we all do it. The crucial thing is to be aware of it and choose a practice that is changing these ways into more fruitful behaviours.
So let’s reverse these and get on with the 5 way to improve your sense of worth now.
- Listen and be with your feelings
In order for you to feel your worth you must sit with all your feelings including your unworthiness. This is a very courageous act and you might want support doing this (I recommend a co-active coach or a good therapist that you choose consciously). Someone who holds space while you process the uncomfortable is the greatest gift we could receive. With the right help you find a deeper connection with your body where all emotions are stored and ultimately find release. This is the key to authenticity and the evolution of your consciousness.
The key is to know your emotions, be curious and open to see what wisdom about your path they might be hiding. Once you are honouring your emotional world you might take on a totally new path or recommit even more fully to where you are right now, whatever it is, it will deepen your sense of worth in the most powerful way. When you know you can handle your emotions you naturally grow in confidence because you free the energy you used to suppress what you thought you couldn’t handle. Inner child mediations are a great source to heal your emotional body.
- Decide who are the people in your life that are supportive, loving and interested in you
There needs to be less to no contact to the people who feel draining and negative. You hear this everywhere because it’s one of the most critical steps in cultivating self-worth. You can determine who are the “right” people with more precision when you are connected and in tune with your true feelings. Choose people who call you out on your bullshit with your best interest at heart. This is a rare connection and a powerful source of love and growth.
- Meditate
Quiet your mind. Have the intention to really just be quiet. This is a powerful intention and a practice of course. Your mind will be active at first because it’s looking to find its source of worth in the doing of your life. This is a radical approach to your cultivation of self-worth: simply be and sit with yourself it’s the antidote to worthlessness.
- Journal and declutter your mind
Let out the steam. We have so much clutter in our mind these days. So many stories and opinions and stuff to do. Write it all down in a stream of thought. Every morning, write yourself closer to yourself (Julia Cameron “The artist way” suggested this to me and it has changed my life). This is a powerful practice to get to know the top layers as well as the deeper layers of your mind and heart. Order will naturally arise and your sense of worth will come to the forefront.
- Visualise your future self
It’s good to sit with what is and with feelings of the past that come up, working through limiting beliefs. It’s also crucial to move forward when the time is calling. This you do by visualising yourself in the future. Who do you want to be and how? What would your higher Self do is a brilliant question when facing a sense of worthlessness. You can do this via guided meditation (i.e. Rasa) or by journaling (i.e. the holistic psychologist). This is also very powerful and to be done only in addition to healing the emotional body through inner child work.
Now you have an idea of whats necessary I encourage you to start today.
Pick up one of those practices, whichever speaks to you the most and gradually work your way up. Even working in the direction of growth knowing you don’t dwell in worthlessness any longer will increase your sense of self-worth immediately. Commit yourself 100% to one of those practices and see the magic unfolding. Let me know how it goes and share your growth with people you trust. I am celebrating your commitment! I am with you.