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How to not date the wrong person – again?

How to not date the wrong person - again?

Dating is such a mystery. There is so much desire, so much advice, so much nervousness, so much thought, so much time spent wondering and yet…

…no one seems to know what the f*** they’re doing.

In fact most of us feel powerless when it comes to dating as we keep falling for the “wrong” people – nothing we can do about it, right?

If we are truly honest though, we know who’s good for us and who’s not.

The question is not “how do we stop attracting the wrong kind”?

The question is “can we become attracted to those who are good for us?” And “what does that kind of attraction feel like?” “What does it require us to do or be?”

We ignore the red flags AND choose to give into the attraction to unavailable people because of one big factor.

This factor keeps us hooked, hurt and trapped in a fantasy dating world.

Which is it?

HOPE.

Or better put: the habit of hoping.

We’re so lost in potential.

We hope for everything and everyone to change not looking at what and how things actually are.

Our hope is fed by every little shred of attention or love substitute they give us.

We are so blinded by hope that we don’t see they do exactly what the ex did (you know, the one that hurt you, ignored you and let you into their heart only on occasion)

We hope they change and when they don’t we hope we change.

We hope, hope, hope, and hope some more.

Hope breaks our neck.

Here is the deal:

If they show behaviour that requires you to hope – hope they like you, hope they are interested (soon), hope they want to spend time with you (soon), hope they accept you as you are (even when you don’t show who you are) – you are most likely choosing not to see the red flags they hand you on a silver platter: the flag that show that they aren’t doing any of those things – NOW.

To be able to date succesfully you must look at the flag above their head and actually choose to act on what you see.

You must be more interested in the reality of things than in the hoping for things. You must give up fantasy.

How the heck do I?

Choose to withstand the immediate attraction. The one that tells you that you are soulmates. You aren’t soulmates.

Observe yourself in it and feel into it and see the fantasy that is pulling you in.

It’s not love nor soul mating. It’s hope that breaks your neck.

Withstanding immediate attraction is inner work and an active part in learning to truly love and be loved. It builds strength so you can learn to receive what you really want and deserve.

In itself it’s nothing wrong with strong attraction (it will probably be with you your whole life), the deal is to be aware of it without acting on it.

To close this let me bust all leftover bubbles: Giving into attraction without awareness will not satisfy you because it is not what you really want.

I know some aren’t ready to give this “soulmate” attraction up because it seems to make us feel alive and alert to life. That’s ok.

It’s part of the process to be lost in it sometimes. It’s also part of the process to come out the other side and choose reality over fantasy.

Be preapared to choose the type that is actually showing interest, is actually spending time with you, is actually telling you how much they like you – the type that is actually saying “yes” to you.

The fact you read this far, shows that you no longer want to hope for love but are ready to create it.

Cheers to that!

Understanding that love is a skill, is active, a result of great learning and not something we fall into is the biggest realisation on your way to creating the relationship you really want.

Understanding that love requires no hope but learning is the key to reality living.

Who would you really want to be with if you were able to withstand attraction that leads you nowhere?

Who would you date without hope?

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The social challenge

The social challenge

If you don’t know who you are

everything is a challenge.

If you don’t know who you are

people seem to know you better

than you know yourself.

This is an illusion that

for most people

is deeply frightening.

 

And so it was for me.

 

I was wronged for all I was

and

for all that I gave.

And what I gave and who I was

was One

and the same.

 

I gave of me

and my innocent four (billion) year old heart.

 

They took and left

I gave more and followed.

 

I had to,

I was four.

 

I was wronged to feel

and see things

others did not seem to see

as I did.

 

And I was challenged to remain sane

and alive

in the face of such wrong doing

– wrong seeing –

on my part.

 

I knew what was right and wrong

my body told me.

 

Everything I did

did not seem to fit into this world.

This world and its people

seemed to have entirely different

rules than the ones I was made of

and was made to live by.

Their rules?

No one could explain to me

not really.

 

I think one was along these lines:

What you have to do or be

needs to be what we want.

We never know what we want

but we don’t want to give

back.

 

And so innocently

I gave more of me

and my big, innocent four (billion) year old heart.

 

More was taken

so more I gave

and more was taken

and more I gave

and more was taken.

 

You can imagine

the day came where it seemed

I had nothing more to give.

What did I do? What did you do on that day?

 

I gave so much of “Myself”

that “Me”

seized to be an actuality.

 

As myself I knew so much,

I believed,

but not how to explain the very things

I knew.

 

I gave as the ancient rules

in me told me.

My rules didn’t consider

the rules they set.

 

I gave

until I knew no more

where I was and

who.

 

In the beginning

I knew how to act as myself

but didn’t know

how to remain

myself.

 

This was and still is

the social challenge.

 

I lost the challenge.

When I was four years old.

And since then a million times more.

 

I am right here laying down my old story.
A story you’re not hearing for the first time.

 

As I am writing these words

I took on a new challenge.

Which is not to look for familiarity

But for the opposite.

 

When family means

burden

drain

emotional cracks

taking not giving

miscommunication

you do not want the familiar.

You want the opposite.

That is the new challenge.

 

And as I stop giving myself challenges

in which I force their rules on me

in which I re-act the old

to prove that I am not wrong

but whole

within another person.

 

Skilled in giving more than I have

to people who take more than they need.

 

I start giving myself care and love

and attention.

I start giving myself

what I gave to everyone else.

 

I absorb myself

instead of others.

 

And my being expands.

I am riding the challenge

real challenge

and I still give.

 

But this time I give up

what was never meant to be

picked up.

 

I give up.

 

The life of another as my own.

The state of another as my responsibility.

The demands of another as my obligation.

The upset of another as my call to clown

their sorrows away.

 

For people who don’t know themselves

everything is a challenge.

 

I am not sure if I know enough of me

and myself yet.

But one thing I know for sure

I am not any bodies clown.

 

I am not not myself any longer

I am not looking for their challenge

any longer.

 

I am not a socially challenged any longer

because I give up.

I still don’t know their rules

I don’t want to.

 

This time around

I make my own and pass them on

because

well

my rules make sense

to me.

 

I am looking at myself

from a place of knowing now

that all I am and all I gave

finally is received

and returned.

 

There is one rule in my world.

 

Which is

“A challenge is only a challenge

if you pick it up.”

 

I won my challenge.

I gave up theirs.

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Dear “moody” Woman, who are you really?

Dear "moody" Woman, Who are you really?

A Woman. Called „moody“ is a statement of utter disgrace for all women. A habit of speaking cultivated by the ignorant. Cultivated by the ones who do not know. Women. Life. A habitual threat only to a Woman who does not yet know herself. If she takes it, oh Boys (and Girls) are you in for a treat. When she identifies with what has nothing to do with her. Identifies disgrace instead of true Identity. The Creator that she is. The Grace that she is. The power that she is. Will she become destructive. Not only to herself but to the environment and to children and to all kinds of scenarios that you cannot even imagine.

 

A woman’s workings are of most significance this time. This time more than ever before! A woman needs to know herself.

 

Why? We need her soft (not weak) and nurturing creations! to uplift us and change us. Feel with us. Oh how much we need to feel again. We need all women to rise. To shine and be the Grace. We need all women to come forth from behind the shame of her „mood“ that you (and she) didn’t understand.

 

We need all women to drop. All swords and all insecurities and all priorities that she puts in front of her own happiness. Her own wholeness. Her own well being. A whole woman is the Well we need. The foundation for our safety. The nurturing aspect of creation.

 

A woman is moisture for the earth, her practice sacred, her mind sacred, her body sacred her Heart. Made of the sacred for the sacred. Healing her Creation tool! If you call a woman „moody“ you do not know what the f** you’re doing. to all of us. You do not know and will probably not ever know. Unless…

 

…Unless a woman learns to understand herself. Her cycle. Receives her sacredness in „moods“ and maybe. Maybe one day showers it all over you. Kindly telling you to leave with the wind when the sun rises golden in the morning. You will not see her again. Because you have not seen her before. And as of now she sees herself. As of now your poor translation of her cycling Life dries up. Up and down and out of here. Unless you change your mood about it, it will leave blisters in your throat and wrinkles in your voice. You will not speak to her (any her) like that again. Without taking your own medicine. Of ugliness.

 

A woman proud of her Woman. A whole woman. Joy free to be itself. A woman who knows that she is a Creator. Is all. All. All this world needs. You‘ll see! As she starts seeing. The sacredness even in your ugliness. And then you will be saved. Thank Goddess. Thank Woman!