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What does gender-equality look like today?

What does gender-equality look like today?

What I often imagine is a world in which we really understand each other. For me equality begins with that: the willingness to understand.

BUT in order for us to understand the other and in order for us to make ourselves be understood we must understand ourselves.

In my opinion every important question starts with one self.

I will try to look at this from the angle of a woman because, well, I am a woman. And a feminist.

Why is this important now?

For a long time we had to seperate the evolution of the genders. The reason for this was that society hasn’t been accommodating to the nature of the women in the same way men were embraced.

Women had to fight for their rights and for it they had to exclude man from their development. Paradox don’t you think?

The evolution of the woman was based on the desire to be equal to men but what we didn’t understand was that we aren’t supposed to behave like them.

We are at a very interesting point in time in which feminism is moving past the exclusion of men from female evolution.

We are approaching men from a centred and more empowered angle through which we don’t have to use attack or aggression any longer.

We have learned to be soft and yet powerful in the way we are being with one another.

Why are we able to do that?

After years of acting like men, trying to fit into the patriarchy white men have created, we finally understand that we as women have to pave a new road.

A road very different from the one we have been travelling.

When we accept that we need a new way, we don’t fight as hard to be understood or acknowledged by men anymore because we put our energy into understanding ourselves and our natural way of leading and relating to the world.

With the acceptance and integration of our actual nature we are finally able to make a sustainable shift in gender equality.

So what does it mean to understand us as WOMAN today?

We are cyclic beings.

We are given proof of that from our menstrual cycle. Our hormones create seasons in a month that have us embody different creative energies.

In order for equality to arise, this fact must be accepted and included in all discussions of gender, relationship and politics.

How does cyclic life look like?

In the simplest way: We bleed, we rise, we ovulate, we let go, we bleed, we rise, we ovulate, we let go. Simpler yet: Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall.

In each of those season we are asked to show up differently in this world.

Let’s go through a cycle and see how the energies shift throughout.

In winter we are asked to separate from the outside and consciously breed the wisdom that is encoded in our body. We are internally focused and more reflective, given space and quiet. A lot is happening beneath the surface and we must have trust that our creative force is working in the unconscious. We are soft and vulnerable and aware that we know absolutely nothing for sure. We see more clearly what’s working and what isn’t in our lives. This is the most difficult for women in leadership positions because they have not much manifested evidence that growth is happening.

Spring is the rise of energy and therefore the rise of the female power. Creativity is coming back to the surface and our life begins to gain back a certain charge that is sometimes hard to hold. It’s still a time of vulnerability and an integration of our intentions we called forth in our inner winter time. We begin to be social again and start engaging more in our relationships. We invest into our jobs again and are more present during meetings and planning. We are able to formulate new ideas and get clearer on what it is that we need.

Summer is a time where those new and rising energies settle, confidence is highest and energy is rather linear, this is a time in which we are most outward because our energy matches the dominant worldly forces. Often women feel very powerful here and are fearing the other side of the coin (winter). We are in our doing, following impulses and are least connected to our inner world but somehow carried by it. This is a time where we are most productive and least reflective. Our ideas are meeting action and we are implementing more and more.

Fall is a time in which we let go of the things that don’t work. The things that came up during the cycle. It also has a certain charge that we are asked to hold in loving light. In general, if we aren’t tending to our inner world and health we might experience symptoms like PMS or other signs of discomfort during this time. Creativity is also very active here but not many new ideas are showing up, it’s rather a time to finish old projects and pending tasks. It’s also a good time to draw and paint and workout a little lighter. Do things without an end goal rather just for the sake of the doing. At work this time calls for cleaning up with co-workers, tasks, digitally and physically. And to prepare for winter and bleeding time. We are aware of a different impact than summer time.

Why is that important?

We’ve been asked to perform on demand (like men do) and when we don’t (because we aren’t meant to), we are called lazy, unpredictable or “moody”.

This “unpredictability” is the number one argument for men to say that we aren’t called to leadership. This argument is based on a false premise which is that in order to be a leader we must behave like men.

Imagine now that our cyclic nature is accepted by us women as the most natural way of living.

Imagine that we know we cannot perform in this linear way and that if we continue trying we are in fact “moody”, depressed and misunderstood.

It becomes a necessity to educate others about this nature of ours if we want to pave the new road and experience peace in the world.

We stop fighting because we know that living according to our cycle is the silent rebellion that is creating the shift we seek.

If we stop expecting men to “just know” how we work, we were able to explain, show and embody the differences that make us women.

What else needs to shift?

Imagine that the inner world of a woman is considered real and sacred just as it has been in ancient tribes.

Imagine that the cycle we go through is integrated into everyday life at work, in families, universities and schools, politics etc..

We could use the creative force of a woman at appropriate times for new ideas and let it incubate at others – we would know that it is still at work.

Women would be healthier, more productive, accepted, freer and more relaxed.

I am aware that even though more women are aware of this we are still challenged to implement it, mostly because our conditioned way is asking us to look outside for proof.

“Is this really true or all in my head?” “Am I making this up and actually just not disciplined enough?” “Where are the studies that I can use to give myself permission to believe it” and again “show men so they can accept it before I do?”

These questions lead us nowhere new and nowhere good.

When a woman understands herself and accepts what she understands, her nature is to give understanding to the world as well including men and their linear nature.

The fight between which way is the right way would end and a new era would begin. True Cooperation between the sexes.

We would go to better place – together! Different but equal with both genders fully integrated in this world.

Combined forces of the genders would pave the road we all are seeking.

What are your thoughts on this?

I would love to hear from you.

 

Love,

Jen

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What it actually means to be creative

What it actually means to be creative

Being creative doesn’t only mean painting a picture, writing a book, acting in a play or singing in a band. Being creative is a state of mind that we cultivate by choosing to be an active and conscious participant in our own life.

To say: “I am the creator of my own experience.” Is the most bold, powerful and responsible attitude you can have in life.

This attitude allows for everything and erases all limits you’ve placed around yourself over the course of your lifetime.

Take a moment to let the possibilities sink in and imagine what it could open up for you.

“You are the creator of your own experience.” – again just for the beauty of it.

And yet, many don’t want this to be true. Why? Because that means that we alone are responsible for our life as we experience it now.

I’m curious, how would you describe your overall life experience?

Dull, exciting, unfair, unstable, insecure, happy, chaotic, untrustworthy, unhealthy, healthy, balanced, difficult, overwhelming, depressed, driven, successful, split, boring, low energy, no energy, average, normal, adventurous?

Whatever it is, could you open up to the possibility that it’s your creation?

When we define creativity as something everyone has access to and is using all the time whether or not they’re aware of it, we’re shedding a light on our responsibility to look at what we’re currently creating and that’s often a hard truth to look at, isn’t it?

You’re already creating your own life now whether you like what you see or not.

If this is true (and I assure you it is), isn’t it a relief in a weird way, too?

So, what are you currently creating?

Perhaps a job you hate, a spouse you can criticize, an unsuccessful business, an unbalanced friendship, an unfulfilled life?

Don’t get me wrong. I am not blaming here, not looking for fault and many of us have actually been victims in the past. What we need to understand is that we aren’t anymore.

Your creativity is your gift that can be used consciously or unconsciously – it cannot be erased.

If you decide to deny that you have the power to create the life you want, you’re inevitably participating in the reinforcement of the life you’re currently living.

You’re creating – unconsciously – more of the same.

Your current life is your current state of mind and your current level of responsibility for your creativity.

And your Life is mirroring, right now, everything you need to know to start creating not more of the same but more of what you want.

Looking at your life, are you willing to consider if you created your life as it is now, that only YOU can change it?

If you agree with me so far, what would change in your life if you claimed your power today? Which area of your life would benefit the most from your active and conscious creative power?

Perhaps you decide to take on the area of “money” and choose consciously to work on unblocking your limiting beliefs or you choose a more practical approach and you decide to brainstorm new ways to make more money. Whatever you choose, you are taking an active part in your life – you are choosing to create.

Ok, admitting that you have been using your creativity to your detriment isn’t easy, I get it! But only if you do, will you be able to change/create your life in a way that finally makes you happy.

I assume now because you’re still reading this article, you’re finally willing to use your inherent creativity for your well-being, happiness and freedom. Yes?

Yes!!!

You want to use your power in the way it’s supposed to be used. Yes?

Yes!!!

I want to congratulate you, this is big!

It’s the beginning of a deep and rich learning phase. Of course you don’t know how to do differently what you have never questioned before. You don’t have to, for now you just have to open to a beginners mind.

We’ll take it from here.

The main question you now need to ask is this:

WHAT IS NECESSARY TO BE THE CONSCIOUS CREATOR OF YOUR LIFE?

Here are some steps to look at:

  1. Being connected to your emotions and feelings

This is the most vital of them all. You’re emotions are the source of your creativity. There is no way to create a fulfilled life without being in touch with your emotions (believe me, I tried). For this, you need a connection to your body and your inner child.

Imagine children who create each moment spontaneously from within – no thought seems to bother or burden them: “why am I actually doing this?” simply doesn’t occur. They pick up stuff for fun and exploration and they express discomfort and excitement with the same force. There is no shame or guilt for the way they feel or the things they do which gives them the power to move on from things they’ve just experienced only to create more from new feelings that are arising now. They’re simply free in their expression. Just watching children will give you a lot of inside into your creativity.

We know how creating works, we are born with it! You have this child within you.

Action: Set up a date with yourself once a week where you nurture your inner child (and therefore your creativity). You can do anything you want i.e. go to a park, draw a picture, go to the movies, book a massage, baking, cooking, writing anything that your heart asks for. It’s important to create without a goal or the need for evaluation. Inner child creations cannot be evaluated because there is no vantage point to do this from. These ratings are illusions, someone made them up trying to create a discipline from fun – weirdo! If your ambitions aren’t to be a glorious painter or the world’s best park walker you can forget about the right and wrongs of this. Simply be your glorious self.

I recommend the book “The Artist’s way” by Julia Cameron in which she explains in depth what this inner child date is about. It’s miraculous. If you take nothing from this article but an order of this book, I’ve done my job.

  1. Supportive relationships

We are social beings, we need each other’s company BUT not any company will do. We need the real kind the truly supportive people in our life. How do we know, we are with the right people? This is a process. Many of us haven’t learned how to connect with love and respect and we often don’t know what to actually expect from others. We’ve learned that we need to love unconditionally and that unconditionally means abandoning ourselves. This is not true. Boundaries are key here and need to be developed over time.

Action: Pay attention to the way people make you feel. Do you feel expansive and happy after a meeting with them? Then you know you’ve found your person. Nurture these relationships and practice reaching out instead of dealing with stuff on your own. This is your chance to be the conscious creator of your relationships, you don’t have to settle for disrespect and drain just because you’ve known that person for long or they have helped you in the past. You do not owe anything to anyone. You have the permission to be happy and I’m bold to say that you can only be happy with the right people in your life.

  1. Training the right state of mind/mental health

– A regular Meditation practice plus breath work will create the focus your mind needs while you’re starting to take responsibility over your life. There are so many practices to choose from, choose what you’re drawn to and can commit to 100%. As a mindfulness practice I do cycle tracking, which is checking in with yourself, your emotions and your body at the end of every day and linking it to your menstrual cycle and the season you’re in, this will actually balance hormones over time and give you a rich understanding of yourself as a woman. Mental clarity and health arises naturally.

– Body movement for mental health reasons only will help create focus and clarity. It will enhance your creativity by a thousand, trust me I know.

– Releasing the old and enhancing the new by looking at positive aspects in your life. Buy a book and list all of the positive aspects in your life: money, people, environment, career and more. This is not to make good what feels bad but to find appreciation in the things that are challenging.

  1. A vision of your future

Future-self meditation and a development of your purpose best done with a good journal, vision board and/or a personal coach. It’s the key point to a flourishing future and it’s crucial that we understand that this takes time. Plant the seeds now and tend to your garden by writing and envisioning.

  1. Letting go of the past and victim mentality

What keeps you trapped in the life you don’t want is a sense that you don’t have choice – you’re the victim and other people or other aspects have power over you. Really! Before you can move on you need to understand how damaging this state of mind is. You can overcome this but you must really want to understand and make peace with your past in which you might have been the victim. Forgiveness work and maybe therapy are helpful, only you will know what you need. Be active here, your best life depends on your participation.

The necessity to know about your creativity and what it means is obvious now, isn’t it? People who know of their creative power are much more in touch with themselves and they carry a natural responsibility for their surroundings and their experiences. They know that anything lacking from a situation is what they are unwilling to bring forth. It’s a choice, a conscious one and in order for us to make that choice we must be aware of the whole picture and the steps we must cultivate.

To become a person of integrity this is the key. You are a creator and you are here to experience this power. It’s worth uncovering. It’s worth knowing. Happy creating.

 

If you want a co-creator on this journey, you can contact me for a free sample session.

 

Love,

Jen

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Why it’s crucial for you to “come off” the pill

Why it's crucial for you to "come off" the pill

Many women aren’t primarily using the pill for contraception but to take care of painful symptoms and emotional imbalances so they can – humbly and simply – live normal lives.

On a personal note:

About 8 years ago I decided to get on the pill because of this stupid burden called PMS. I was suffering to a degree that I saw my relationships and my self-image deteriorating more and more each month. We’re talking emotional outbursts, anger, sadness, sudden loss of a sense of self-worth, fatigue and strong pain.

Once I was on the pill however – PMS magically disappeared. I found relief and security at first and emotional disconnection from…well…everything later. The world lost colour and I lost soul.

Ohh that sounds strong doesn’t it? And yet, this was the way it felt at the time.

Over time my longing to gain back my feelings got stronger than my fear to fall back into old “symptoms”. Eventually, I decided to “come off” the pill. I never looked back ever since.

Why am I telling you this?

I understand why many women would rather take the pill than live a life in pain and insecurity.

I mean, why would you want to bring back your natural cycle when this means bringing back pain, acne, PMS, emotional imbalance, fatigue etc. ? Seriously, why when the symptoms you want to rid yourself off can be “cured” simply and effortlessly by taking the pill?

Simpler? Why make the effort when it can be easy?

I hear you. And yet, I must call on this bullshit because…

…by taking the pill your’re not curing anything. You’re suppressing! It’s an illusion of relief and on a subconscious level you know that.

The things is this: What we want on the surface when in pain is to find relief FROM our body but what we want on a deeper level, always, is to find relief IN our body. Pease, read that again to really get the depth of this.

We want to feel at home in our bodies.

We want to feel, live and engage in our female form, we just – understandibly – don’t want to do that in pain.

So the question isn’t “how do you get rid of the symptom?” but

“how can you trust your cycle again?” and “how can you understand the symptoms as messages that are calling you to action in some way?”

Deeply ingrained in us women is the need to understand ourselves and our cyclical nature. Our nature and therefore our cycle is encoded IN our bodies.

Deeply ingrained as well is the need to restore wholeness within ourselves and use our creative power in this world – confidently and consistently and our creative force and our creative purpose is encoded IN our cycle.

Connecting to your cycle means that you’re connecting to your creative power.

We cannot seize our potential wholeheartedly as long as we’re in pain, I get that but we also can’t seize our potential as long as we’re suppressing the very thing that is our strongest ally and our deepest support in realising all that we came for.

And who’s that you ask?

The most natural expression of a woman – our menstrual cycle.

With access to ALL the creative seasons in your cycle (by taking the pill, you have access to only half of them) you restore your sense of wholeness and ultimately stop looking, unconsciously, for the other half of you (the healthy, happy, creative half) in vain.

The question you need to ask yourself before you continue reading is this:

Do you want more from life or stay put with a grey veil across your face?

If the answer is yes, you need to know this:

The “cure” to your symptoms and your pain, the one that we call “pill” prevents not only contraception it also prevents us from knowing our creative power as women.

It prevent us from experiencing all the blessings and benefits of being in this beautiful female form.

It frees you from taking responsibility to take care of your body on more levels than physical and from finding the cause for the symptoms that have a grip on your life. It prevents you from treating them at the root finding true and lasting relief. To be very clear acne, PMS, food cravings, anxiety, creative blocks, fatigue, low libido, toxic relationships, lack of stamina, painful periods, no period, painful gut issues etc. they all have a source and the source is always found on a deeper level than the level on which the symptom occurred.

With cycle work, you’re already looking deeper.

What do we need to do to find joy and health in our cycle?

Before reaping the benefits of being in a female body we need to let our female system remember what it was created for in the first place. Once it does, we thrive, we create and we love!

Once we understand our cyclic nature we experience life on a more vivid level – we feel healthy, alive and we’re ready to take on the world.

So let’s look at some ways we can actually support our body and spirit in ways that are neither invasive nor too passive.

Remember we’re aiming to find and release the source of your symptoms so you can be happy and engaged in the world.

We want to rebuild a consistent outflow of your creative energy for optimal health, well-being and fun!

The following suggestions might require some changes in your thinking and some require you to take action. Once you get going though they will soon reveal the real benefits (like symptoms disappearing) that will have you want to learn more about yourself.

The various points will touch on different layers of yourself, they all lead to each other and they all lead to (creating) Rome.

  1. NUTRITION

This one’s obvious, isn’t it? I know because it’s so very important to know – from your own experience – which food effects your body in what way.

I won’t go in depth here as my work focuses on the emotional, spiritual and mental components of the imbalance. I’m convinced that by simply tuning into what you really want, you’ll naturally arrive in a nourishing way of eating, your cycle will lead you there.

What I suggest you do to understand the physical aspects of the cycle is visit Lara Briden, Alisa Vitti or use some other great resources on hormonal support. What I can say in general is that more greens, less sugar and regular eating hours have helped me – a lot! I stopped consuming meat, gluten, alcohol, reduced caffeine and ate no later than 7:30pm. I supplement with magnesium byglycinate and I have noticed significant changes in mood, energy level and stress reduction because of it.

  1. LIFESTYLE

8h sleep, a good natural rhythm in your day (meaning seasonal breaks outside, taking deep breaths, regular eating times), enough water, spending time in nature and with the right people. I won’t go into depth here either as this touches on the previous point.

  1. WOMB MASSAGE AND WOMB CLEARING

During your cycle it’s important that you clear your womb space on a regular basis (except during bleeding time) because your womb does absorb alot of the energies of the world, your partners during sex, conflict, unprocessed emotions etc.. You can clear in many ways i.e. through women yoga, breath work focusing on the womb, visualisations, crystals, essential oils, sacred rituals whatever rocks your boat. Get really creative and state your intentions very clearly before you start the clearing process. This can be done in 2 min. or 1 hour do what resonates and leaves you feeling better and clearer than before.

Here’s my favorite: A beautiful way of starting your day is to massage your womb in the morning before you leave your bed. When you wake up lie on your back and start massaging your womb centre softly. Once you get up (and you’re not bleeding) start shaking your belly a little bit and let your whole body join in, this will support your body in the waking up process clearing any sticky energy that was building up naturally during the night.

Maybe you have a health practitioner near you specializing in women’s health or an osteopath that will work with you in the womb area. Get the support you need and enjoy this practice and the intimacy that is building through this.

  1. EMOTIONAL RELEASE

We have emotions stored in us that are unprocessed. This is normal considering that we often didn’t have the maturity and the support to deal with what we had to face when we were young. This storage of emotions runs our behaviour unconsciously, it is information in our cells that is waiting to be released before new patterns can form and serve us in life.

Unprocessed emotions also block the energy from flowing naturally and effortlessly causing all kinds of symptoms (the ones we’re writing this article for). For this to change we have to tend to our emotions rather run from them.

On a level of personal emotions this is very clear. What we as women also have to understand additionally though is the ancestral and collective trauma we are carrying. The way women were treated in the past does still run in our blood and it’s on us to release the deep sadness and the grief this has caused in us. We are free today because of the women who came before us, our work is to honour them by acknowledging the pain we as a collective had to go through and still going through. It’s time to let go of it so we can create a better future for us.

There are, as always, several ways to do that. One would be working with a coach or therapist. Depending on the intensity in which unprocessed, past emotions are interfering with your daily life you can choose who to work with. If you want to touch on your past more than the present, I suggest working with a therapist. If you want to focus on present moment potential, I recommend working with a coach. The benefit of working with a coach is that it often includes the bigger picture. A good coach knows that absolutely nothing is wrong with you and that you are capable of creating the life you want to live, symptom free and in full power and they support you in doing that – this is the significant difference between the two. In my opinion coaching is serving a broader spectrum and yet sometimes therapy is the only option as coaches hold a limit when it comes to working with trauma and deeper childhood wounds. Another option is to combine the two.

Another way of releasing emotion is through guided meditations and inner child work. You don’t always need support (even though I’d recommend it). You can simply see what emotion is present and allow yourself to fully feel it, let it wash over you and stay present to it. This can be messy and yet profoundly beautiful. Give yourself time to do this and let trust build in the process.

There are more options, of course, these are just some suggestions. Once you know you want to focus on emotional release your intuition will guide you to the right source of support (if you allow it).

  1. Personal development

Basically it all touches on this aspect yet I wanted to create a category for it. This includes knowing what you’re unique function is and finding your soul-purpose by getting to know yourself. What makes your heart sing? What are your fears? Your talents? Your values? Getting to know yourself lets you move with more flow and less stagnation. In addition imagining a future in a way you want it to be you’re freeing yourself from the negative of today, it gives you direction and purpose. This is only fruitful and authentic when you’re combining this with emotional work and self-reflection otherwise you will override your feelings and the signs of your body and do the opposite of what you want to achieve. Reflecting on the ways of being that serve you and your relationships and the ways that don’t.

A way to deepen your personal development and the relationship to your cycle is through tracking your menstrual cycle. You can take some notes at the end of each day on categories of mood, temperature, energy levels, feeling states, creativity, social engagement, libido, self-image etc.. After tracking for a while you will see some patterns forming to which you can respond accordingly in advance in the future. You’ll know when you want to make appointments of what kind and when your creativity is highest in the month. Choose your own categories and have fun with this. It will all start making sense in the doing of it.

  1. MEDITATION

This will always be in all my health suggestions because it’s the most powerful way to support your natural system. While sitting down and being quiet you’re telling your body and spirit “I trust you”. You let it come back to its natural ways without interfering with thought and behaviour. This is also the way to let your female system restore itself and allow your creativity to arise naturally. It’s the way to listen to your body and “hear” in what season you’re in. By being silent you receive the guidance on what to do next. It reduces stress in your body which is the cause for many of your symptoms. There are many ways to practice mediation. The one I suggest is mindfulness mediation. Simply set your timer to 15-20min sit and observe your breath. To notice changes you’ll need to do this more than once and yet it will reveal benefits much faster than you expect.

I know this sounds like a lot. It is. So take your time implementing this. If you would like support contact me and we can set up a free no-strings-attached sample session.

With love,

Jen

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5 practices to improve your sense of self-worth

5 practices to improve your sense of self-worth

When we as women know of our worth we shine, we radiate and there is nothing and no one who can cut us off from our power and confidence. Unfortunately we’re facing too big of a void when it comes to women aware of their worth.

What I intend to do in my practice is to change the way we as women are showing up in this world. We must understand that we have both – the right and the responsibility – to feel worthy. Worthy of receiving the life and the love we are longing for.

Before I tell you specifically what you can do to increase your sense of self-worth, I want to shine a light on the things we as women do that make it impossible for us to feel worthy and live a life of integrity, strength and purpose.

Unworthiness is a disconnection from our Self. Logically, there needs to be a source of our sense of worth and if we cannot find it in us we look for it elsewhere, developing all kinds of behaviours that are destructive, manipulative and not sustainable in nature.

  1. You ask men and other women to tell you how to be a woman.

Of course, we aren’t always aware of this. In order for us to cultivate self-worth, we first have to become conscious of the ways we’re giving away our power to the perception of others.

For example if you find yourself dressing in a way that feels unnatural or uncomfortable only to be pleasing to the eyes of others, this might be a sign or if you ask for an opinion about your life (outfit, hair, body, job etc.) and a negative response has you doubt yourself and leaves you sad and ashamed.

  1. You don’t listen to your feelings

You’re overanalysing or suppressing the way your feel because it’s not “logical”. What you see on the surface doesn’t match what you feel (i.e. your boss smiles at you while you feel it’s insincere or your job seems perfect and you’ve got everything and more but you feel unhappy or dissatisfied). You try to understand others before you understand yourself, rationalise your feelings and “get over it” before you have at all began to process what you’re feeling. This is abandoning yourself.  It’s the fear to acknowledge that a place or a person might not be good for you and the fear to make wrong judgements because you just cannot “trust” your feelings. We need to understand: Feelings are our secret source of wisdom. You’ll make much better decisions if you decide to tune in, really listen and sit with what you do and don’t like to feel. This is the key to integrity. You find more on this below.

  1. You compare yourself

This might be the most toxic behaviour for women. Before you haven’t cultivated enough self-worth in yourself, there is no way that you can healthily compare yourself to others. So refrain from any comparison for a while. You’re unique and this is how it’s supposed to be. Finding your purpose and path will help you become aware of your uniqueness. For this I recommend working with a coach or therapist (though its not necessary).

  1. You gossip

You talk bad about others to feel better, or to get people agreeing with you so you feel less like somethings wrong with you. This might help you feel relief for a while but your sense of worthlessness will deepen in time if you continue on this path.

  1. You try to control others

You don’t like the way other people make you feel so you try to control them. You don’t agree with their way of living so you make up a better version of them in your head (which they don’t know about) and try to manipulate them so they fit this image. This is human, I have done it and I know many who did too and still, don’t surrender to this. Integrate the following practices so you can refrain from control.

These 5 forms of sabotage listed above are just examples. Take some notes on each of those categories to see how this might be showing up in your own life. Don’t blame yourself in the process this is normal, we all do it. The crucial thing is to be aware of it and choose a practice that is changing these ways into more fruitful behaviours.

So let’s reverse these and get on with the 5 way to improve your sense of worth now.

  1. Listen and be with your feelings

In order for you to feel your worth you must sit with all your feelings including your unworthiness. This is a very courageous act and you might want support doing this (I recommend a co-active coach or a good therapist that you choose consciously). Someone who holds space while you process the uncomfortable is the greatest gift we could receive. With the right help you find a deeper connection with your body where all emotions are stored and ultimately find release. This is the key to authenticity and the evolution of your consciousness.

The key is to know your emotions, be curious and open to see what wisdom about your path they might be hiding. Once you are honouring your emotional world you might take on a totally new path or recommit even more fully to where you are right now, whatever it is, it will deepen your sense of worth in the most powerful way. When you know you can handle your emotions you naturally grow in confidence because you free the energy you used to suppress what you thought you couldn’t handle. Inner child mediations are a great source to heal your emotional body.

  1. Decide who are the people in your life that are supportive, loving and interested in you

There needs to be less to no contact to the people who feel draining and negative. You hear this everywhere because it’s one of the most critical steps in cultivating self-worth. You can determine who are the “right” people with more precision when you are connected and in tune with your true feelings. Choose people who call you out on your bullshit with your best interest at heart. This is a rare connection and a powerful source of love and growth.

  1. Meditate

Quiet your mind. Have the intention to really just be quiet. This is a powerful intention and a practice of course. Your mind will be active at first because it’s looking to find its source of worth in the doing of your life. This is a radical approach to your cultivation of self-worth: simply be and sit with yourself it’s the antidote to worthlessness.

  1. Journal and declutter your mind

Let out the steam. We have so much clutter in our mind these days. So many stories and opinions and stuff to do. Write it all down in a stream of thought. Every morning, write yourself closer to yourself (Julia Cameron “The artist way” suggested this to me and it has changed my life). This is a powerful practice to get to know the top layers as well as the deeper layers of your mind and heart. Order will naturally arise and your sense of worth will come to the forefront.

  1. Visualise your future self

It’s good to sit with what is and with feelings of the past that come up, working through limiting beliefs. It’s also crucial to move forward when the time is calling. This you do by visualising yourself in the future. Who do you want to be and how? What would your higher Self do is a brilliant question when facing a sense of worthlessness. You can do this via guided meditation (i.e. Rasa) or by journaling (i.e. the holistic psychologist). This is also very powerful and to be done only in addition to healing the emotional body through inner child work.

Now you have an idea of whats necessary I encourage you to start today.

Pick up one of those practices, whichever speaks to you the most and gradually work your way up. Even working in the direction of growth knowing you don’t dwell in worthlessness any longer will increase your sense of self-worth immediately. Commit yourself 100% to one of those practices and see the magic unfolding. Let me know how it goes and share your growth with people you trust. I am celebrating your commitment! I am with you.

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Seasons in your menstrual cycle

Seasons in your menstrual cycle - and how to use them

The seasons in your menstrual cycle are changing constantly and many women are becoming increasingly aware of it. This is really good news for many reasons. Most importantly, it is the body-literacy you need in order to not drown in the world. With this kind of self-knowledge chances are much much higher that you stay in contact with yourself plus your impact in the world will be stronger.

It is a boundary that consists of self-love and self-knowledge.

Following is an overview of the seasons in your menstrual cycle, maybe giving you inspiration on what to look for in your own experience (note: it will always  remain an individual experience). Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer are describing this beautifully in their book wild power which I recommend as a beautiful entry point and which serves as inspiration for this blogpost.

Your monthly cycle roughly holds 4 seasons (plus transition phases, never forget transitions!) that express differently in your life, each holding a unique purpose for you. There are general characteristics of each phase that let you determine in which phase you’re in and how to respond to it. To make it easier for you to observe the manifestations of the seasonal energy in your life, let’s see what each phase is about.

It’s also good to know why it is important to acknowledge your seasonal nature in the first place.

Many of us have lost touch with ourselves and the greater whole that we are part of. We are living in a fast world that rarely pays attention to the state it is in. This is a reflection of how we deal with ourselves. Let’s be honest, how often do you ask yourself honestly and openly “What am I feeling right now?”. We act as if we have an endless supply of linear, active energy, as if we actually don’t need to rest and recharge. We exploit nature’s resources not because we are bad people but because we are cut off from our body, feelings and emotions.

To come back to ourselves means to remember with our whole body, with mind and soul that we are nature’s own offspring. Working with the cycle we begin to realise that we, too, go through seasons just like the larger seasons nature demonstrate. To see the effect of each season on our body, mood and creativity we need to pay attention to the subtleties in our own everyday life. For this, we slow down, like way down, and pay attention to the feminine aspects, to feelings and emotions and actually respond the need for rest and restoration. This is possible should we become self-aware and honestly care about our well-being and fulfilment.

So should we?

Seasonal work is a way to respond to nature’s need as well as our own at the same time.

It helps you to navigate through life in a way that is suitable for you as a woman, not linear but cyclic. It helps you to understand yourself and your constitution as a woman and empowers you to express yourself fully despite the constrictions and limits that this world tries to set for you. Symptoms like PMS are a result of the suppression of your cyclic nature and feelings. It’s a parameter that tells you: something needs attention and maybe even something needs to change!

With the practice of recognising and living according to your cyclical nature, you will no longer be imprisoned in a structure of a world that is not build for you – or any of us for that matter – you’ll learn to use your softer, slower nature with confidence.

Yes, it requires determination. This is one way in which we work towards ending the suffering for ourselves and all human beings who have been set up as machines. We’re building a future in which our daughters and sons can feel free and empowered to be like nature – cyclic, powerful and full of wonder.

So no, this work is not for everyone because it asks for discipline and the willingness to break rules that were made by people who were entirely unaware of the feminine world of emotion and feeling. In your heart, you’ll know when you’re ready.

Ok makes sense but why will working with the seasons in your menstrual cycle help?

In order to learn to respond to what we actually need at any given time, seasons are our greatest teacher. “Respond” is a big word in all of it, as we let go of knowing and control, as we stop imposing on us, we become much softer and wholesome human beings.

If we supress or try and stretch out a Season past it’s nature (e.g. working like we work in summer well into winter) we’re working against us, against natures intention for us which is the cause for a lot of discomfort and stress in our body.

Here is the season’s overview in the light of your menstrual cycle (if you are currently not bleeding you may work with the moon cycle as well).

Winter (day 1-7): This phase usually starts right before you bleed. Low energy, your hormones are depleted. It’s a time for rest and restoration. Your body is in need of your support and nurturing. You become more sensitive to outside stimulation and the energy wants to deepen within your being. You’re introspective and more aware of what is going on (unconsciously) in yourself, your surroundings and in the world. It’s not a time to follow demands of the outside but rather give care to yourself. Saying “no” is your ally in this phase. If we allow it, it’s a time of wisdom, magic and creativity.

Spring (day 7-14): Starts around the time leading up to ovulation. Energy is rising as are your hormonal levels. You’re filled with more yang energy supporting you to act upon dreams and intentions. You feel refreshed and ready to plan your month. You are more open and slowly engaging outwardly again. Your body feels stronger and vital and things are coming together for you. This is the phase of starting new things and act on what you uncovered in the winter/wisdom phase. You also find yourself wanting to work more, being focused and driven.

Summer (day 14-21): Usually starts around ovulation. It’s an expressive and social phase. It’s the reaping of the inner work you’ve done. Energy levels are up and you are engaging in outward activities. Community building and being of service to others. Your fertility is high, probably your libido as well. This is the time to experience yourself in relationships. Networking might be easier (especially for introverts – to a degree, of course) and possible for you to hold space for others.

Fall (day 21-28): This is the winding down phase. You are feeling more inward and reflective, you may become more agitated by the demands that are posed upon you. Your nature is seeking more time alone to take care of your body and soul. You may use this time to withdraw from the world and put focus on creative ideas that need nurturing. This is a time especially carved for setting healthy boundaries. PMS is real, the intensity is a reflection of how well you live the energies of the cycles and respond to what you need. If you are teaching yourself that you are willing to listen to your body and act according to what you hear you may find yourself less emotionally overwhelmed and agitated. You are able to realise your dreams and goals with more ease and flow than before. I observed that during this phase the inner critic is loudest as we find ourselves unable or simply unwilling to stem the weight of the world. Hormones are dipping and everything is a little more chaotic. Relaxing into this phase is a challenge as it contains quite the charge, letting yourself be carried by this strong energy is a gamechanger though.

This work is a practice of self-love. Self-love is not always quiet and slow but sometimes active and loud, expressive and engaging.

Knowing yourself will develope the self-trust you need to stand upright in the world at any given time. Instead of following the judgments of the world (“women are unpredictable”) you begin to understand that this is not true. Or at least that it’s not a bad thing. We’re more complex. As soon as we understand ourselves in this light, we transform our insecurities that are fuelled by the world we live in. As we choose to follow our inner guidance and our own nature we are empowered. We become healthier, more fulfilled and more engaged human beings and we begin to set the standards for the ones who follow in our footsteps.

 

If you want to deepen the spiritual work with your cycle, I offer a cycle awareness package for this specific purpose.

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What does it mean to move from within?

What does it mean to move from within?

What it means to move from within. Moving in integrity. Moving from Being. Moving from Wholeness.

Every day we are receiving messages, a big load from the outside and from all parts of ourselves within.

There are these underlying questions: What do I listen to? What is my Voice?

Mind, Heart, Spirit and Body are constantly communicating with us. All aspects speaking their own language, seemingly asking us to move in all directions, all the time at the same time: “Act on what we are telling you – immediately.”

Is following these aspects as they speak the big move from within?

Yes and No.

Following one aspect alone – immediately – no. That is called moving from impulse.

Listening and waiting to hear all aspects of yourself, yes. That is the first step in learning how to move from within. You are becoming aware of yourself.

The mind in its powerful force can come from all sorts of agendas. It can project, distort, clear up and give order to our mess. It is deep and powerful and without a task it often is all over the place. Our body with her aches and symptoms, feeling energized than depleted and energized again. Asking us to feed it and fast in between. It’s on us to know what she needs and when. She tells us so much that we often ignore. Our Heart with her emotions, with her sensations and feelings and guidance. A heart that feels good when it’s heard. How to hear that heart of ours? That’s a good question. We sometimes like what we hear and often we don’t. Mostly because we find that we have no time to let the emotion play itself out. So we push down, too afraid to have that conversation, the one that our head tells us will never end. Our spirit guiding us in subtler ways. In response to our questions. Even receiving a good question is an art of spirit itself.

All of those conversations are ongoing in every second of the day. So it is very important for us to learn our own language(s). Conversations within our own being are powerful tools. We learn to move from within – when done consciously. Unconsciously this is not conversation it is overwhelm, chaos and often suffering under the seemingly conflicting aspects of ourselves. Why? Because we aren’t at the table with them. We are busy moving from A to B. Or numbing ourselves out, not moving at all. Not listening.

We need to see and understand: We are never not in conversation with ourselves. The question is: Are we willing to take the time and listen?

To move from within, we are in need of knowing what to respond to and what to simply listen to. We are in need of knowing which move to make and which impulse to resist.

There are dangers along the way of course. 1. We could end up not following any voice, waiting too long. Never making that big jump to the next stage of life and 2. We could end up making too many changes at once never to seize the life we are meant to live at this stage of life.

So how does the waiting serve us? As we are waiting for a bigger picture to form and a clearer answer to come to us, we are asked to truly listening to what it is that we are meant to do.

In the process (that is called time), an answer forms from not just one aspect but all aspects of ourselves as one by one is heard by us. This brings awareness to all parts of ourselves as it gives every aspect a chance to come to the table and share their truth.

This is the setup of moving from within. Considering all of us without reacting too soon we are asking our Self to make sense of all seemingly contradicting messages. This is the responsibility everyone can take for themselves. This is our part.

How do we start listening and determining who is speaking? How do we interpret what we hear? When do we make a move and when do we just keep listening?

We need to realise first that all these aspects are connected and not just in conversation with us but with each other too. The question is also: How well do we manage those conversations?

Those are big inquiries and words wouldn’t teach you anything of value. You need to know your own inner aspects of self. You need to sit with them at the table.

As we are waiting patiently and actively for the answer from our deepest Self we are waiting for our true path to unfold.

Sitting with the aspects is validating them so that they can unravel the deeper wisdom from Self. Wisdom that is powerful and transformative. Resulting in a new you.

The aspect I also want to talk about is the transformation that happens while you wait – the culmination of all conversations – the big move within. The point in which all is clear and a new Life begins. Not just a new chapter but a different book.

This is how it becomes the bigger truth. The real guidance from within. Through which you then make your move.

What are we communicating with in those moments? Or a better question would be:

What is communicating with us? What is happening in a moment of pure and utter clarity?

It is a conversation with self. Our Whole Self.

Where all the parts join in one big agreement. Where everything is suddenly making sense. As the inner authority awakens. It tells you about. All the moves you did and didn’t do. All the decisions you made and didn’t make. All the experiences you’ve had and didn’t have. All that you tried and didn’t try. And all that you really want and all that you don’t want. And the meaning behind all of it.

So as you see there is a big distinction.

A longing from one part is not necessarily a quest from self that you need to move in a certain direction. A body symptom is not necessarily a sign from self that you are unhealthy. A messy emotion is not a sign from self that you are depressed. A lack of answer to a question is not a sign from self that spirit doesn’t have your back. It might be a symbol, a way to get your attention to come to the table and talk. It is simply an invitation to listen. As Self is sending you single signs from all aspects you are lead to a bigger realisation that you are to be blessed with.

Let the sum of those things form a bigger picture.

This requires strength and focus and a lot of awareness. In this awareness transformation happens.

How long do we have to wait in order to receive such a transformation? That depends on many things. First is listening and sitting at the table with ourselves. It requires us to wring all life out of the experiences we have. Without ascribing meaning to things too soon and yet still knowing that there is meaning lurking behind all things. This is a flow, a trust, a knowing that we stand for. This is how we wait while we wait. In expectation of the self that is coming to move us from within.

Here’s the sum up:

  1. We are always in conversation with different parts of ourselves. This is a practice and the first move is to be aware of that which is happening within.
  2. Many aspects want us to move almost every second of the day which doesn’t mean we have to.
  3. Determine what requires action and what requires to wait and be still. We actually have to move far less than we think. Waiting is a big move from within.
  4. The biggest move from within is a culmination of all conversations we had with ourselves. It is a transformation of character. We have become the person that understands themselves and therefore enters a new stage of life.
  5. We receive such blessing only when we are aware of ourselves and when we cultivated the ability to resist impulse.